I Couldn’t Go Dark: I Now Have A Girlfriend, And…Said Girlfriend Found My Blog


Regular readers of this site will likely be sitting mouths agape at the title of this post.  So much drama, I know, I know.  Contain your excitement, dear readers, for the whole story is below.  In the span of one Sunday afternoon, I came to the realization I was going down a dark, dark path, gave up my player’s coat, acquired a girlfriend, and found out that she had discovered my blog.  Well, not the first time it’s happened.

How’s that for my life being flipped upside down rather quickly?

Let’s start off with the happier news.  Holly and I are together.  This means that there will be no more field reports – sans nights out when I can help my buddies score and break down their seduction process.  Although, I realized I never wrote a field report about the first time we hooked up (it was about the same time I started my blog), so I might get around to that sometime.  Question now is, how did we get to this point?  Read this post for a recap for what’s happened so far.

When Holly left my house just before Christmas things were undecided.  I could tell there had been a further turning of the tables – as in she really liked me when she left, more so than when she came.  The night before she left, she asked me, “Are you still fucking other girls?”

I responded with brutal honesty, and told her yes.  The color left her face, and it looked like I’d just stabbed her in the heart with a knife; twisting it in with a menace.  It was enough that I felt bad about it.  However, she still didn’t press for a commitment.  I, despite Holly growing on me immensely, still wanted to be out playing the field.  Seems like an ideal situation, right?  Have one or two girls who dote on you a ton and are always available, and still have a few fucks on the side here and there, without a guilty conscious?

Well, you loyal readers of This Is Trouble and the ‘Sphere in general should be aware that this is entirely possible.  But…how many people can pull it off?

Let’s be clear first and foremost: this is not a soft harem type of deal I was playing with.  Danny The Stunning Model from 504 has one of the best, if not the best, basic guide for soft harems in that last link.  I’d done the soft harem thing before, but what I had going on with three girls was beyond that – as there were feelings involved with all of them, on both sides.  And they were all aware they were not the only one.  Now that seems like an ideal situation, right?  Pulling off multiple relationships at the same time – to the point where you are always sexually satisfied, and always are in a good position because you can walk away at any moment?  In which all women involved are NOT kept at arms length, and they fall hopelessly in love with you while you reap the benefits of multiple women’s affections in the forms of gifts, sex, and feminine company?

That, readers, is a terribly dark game that I did not want to play.

I walked away.

I decided I couldn’t continue hurting Holly or the other two girls.  Perhaps the mistake I made was actually mentioning that I had other girls to each other, but I am a big, big subscriber of total honesty.  I can agree and amplify it for a while, but if you start getting serious with someone, they are eventually going to want answers.  Most of the time, they deserve answers and honesty.  Could I have kept Holly around and continued seeing other girls?  Yes, for a period of time, I definitely could have.  However, I knew every time that I inevitably dodged a “What did you do this weekend?”, she would know.  Every time, I would twist that knife a little deeper into her heart.  Every time I saw one of these other two girls, I would be drawing their bond to me closer, making it inevitable that I would be stabbing them in the heart just as painfully.

My own heart couldn’t take it.

I returned to San Diego from Sacramento on Friday, the same day Holly was due to return to San Diego.

“What time are you getting home?  I want to stop by.”

I received that from her while driving down the desolate, barren roads of I5.  Unfortunately I already had plans with another girl that night, and felt a tinge of guilt as I replied that I wouldn’t be getting back in until late.  The next night, she texted me asking if I’d come and spend the night…as I’m out at a bar with the third girl.  Another pang of guilt.  As the girl on Saturday night nuzzled up to me at the bar, resting her head on my shoulder, I felt wildly conflicted.

Here I was, basically a year down my red pill journey, which, when it began, contained exactly one notch on my belt.


Now, here I was, with three girls that were fucking me silly and all having, or at least developing, deep feelings for me.  My dilemma was: do I go dark and let all three fall in love with me, and see if my game is really that good?  Or, do I do what feels right in my heart?

Go ahead, go puke yourself over how cheesy that last sentence was.

I went to Holly’s on Sunday afternoon with no real idea of what was actually going to happen.  We got to talking about our trip, what my family had thought of her, and what she had told her friends and family about me.  As I lay on her bed stroking her hair, I realized I didn’t want to continue to hurt this girl no matter how greatly I was reaping the benefits; nor did I want to continue hurting any other girls.  I knew the longer I kept playing the dark game, the more heartbreak there would be, and the more blood on my hands there would be.

It was not a situation where I spilled my heart and said something along the lines of, “Babyyyyy I need you in my life, will you be my girlfriend?”  Fuck no.

I summed up to her what I had been thinking about.  I told her I was playing a dangerous game in which there was going to be a lot of hurt for everyone involved, including her.  I told her that the walls we were putting up between each other, while designed to protect ourselves, were only hurting each other.  I told her that we were going to be together, and that if she was not okay with that, I respected that but that I’d probably have to walk away at some point soon.

Once she got over the initial shock, a huge smile broke across her face.  That settled it.  She ‘fessed up to some stuff she’d been thinking about in regards to us, and all seemed well.  Then she dropped a bomb…

“So…TroubleMaker, how was your weekend?”

No doubt, I had a deer in headlights look on my face.  How the fuck did she find it?  Well, a while ago I read her my Fear Of Regret post.  Note: I *read* it to her, out loud, and didn’t even let her look at the screen.  Unfortunately for me, Googling “the fear of regret” turns up my blog on the third page.  When she saw the “The real truth about life is trouble. 22-year-old West Coast based…” headline at the top of my site, she knew it was me.  As you can imagine, she had some questions about posts like I Receive A Hand-Written Thank You Note For An OrgasmField Report: 5 girls in 5 days. Day 5 & RECAP, and the few other various things I had written about her.

Of course, amidst her rage of finding it and reading all of my exploits, she told a couple of her friends and provided them the web address.  We had a good talk and I made it clear though that she would not be sharing that with anyone else. Nor will she be commenting and involving herself deeply in this part of my life unless I give explicit permission.

Isn’t that right, dear?

As for her friends…well, hi to you girls to!

Between the three of them, though, I’m sure they’ve read the majority of my posts and I’ve probably given answers to the majority of the questions they may have.  Thankfully, I’ve been nothing but honest from the start with her.  She knew about the blog, and the content I wrote about (though probably not exactly what she had imagined).  She knew I wanted to help guys turn their lives around.  She knew I was vulgar.

I will continue to be all of these things.  The overall sassy and vulgar writing style will stay the same.  Obviously, the content will be changing slightly as I adapt from my life of playing the field to (hopefully) happily in a relationship.  I have no doubt I will be learning tons about relationships, and think I am in a unique position to offer some insight – both with being one of the younger writers around here, as well as being one of the few that will be in a monogamous relationship.  Readers, I’m promising you now: this blog will not go defunct with another ‘Sphere writer falling off the grid because he got a bad case of oneitis.

You have my commitment, much like Holly does.

As long as she doesn’t get fat.

Read More: Starbucks Is Evil – It Makes You Fat


42 responses to “I Couldn’t Go Dark: I Now Have A Girlfriend, And…Said Girlfriend Found My Blog

  1. You should change your URL to thisiswhipped.com.

    Unsubscribed. RIP. You shall be missed.

    Hopefully some of the other bloggers will inform me when you inevitably get cuckolded by Dear Holly and get back in the game with a vengeance…

    • Sounds like someone is upset because they can’t get laid themselves and will no longer be able to live vicariously through TM….

      • Thanks, Doc.

        I have to say, it’s not like my blog is like krausers blog with a plethora of seduction process breakdown.

        I doubt my content will be THAT much different.

  2. Life if full of experiences. You are young, and this is just another one. Just remember the Game never ends, it changes, it modifies to current situation, but it never ends. This will be good for you – especially if you’ve never experienced this type of relationship before.

    Expect many days of confusion and the inevitable “what have done for me lately” attitude. It will be an interesting ride for you – good luck. And I’ll continue reading…if for no other reason, then to see how this thing evolves.

    • Thanks man. I appreciate the thoughts and readership.

      Have to say, I expected flak for this one. After someone reads the posts about her, I could see why some would call me whipped.

      Truthfully though, I kept writing about it because these posts got a lot of views and comments. It seems people were drawn to the story, so I tried to make it entertaining.

      If it all blows up in my face – so be it. Ultimately though it would be silly to let the influence of anonymous blog commenters impact my decision(s).

      • As I say….your life, your rules. Never base your life on “should” or “ought to” – those are very Red Pill attitudes, even if they are coming from Men that don’t believe your path is the right one. Only you walk your path. And enjoy it – it may be mostly bio-chemical, but there is nothing like that feeling of “being in love”. Life your life with your eyes open, wide, and looking forward – you do that, and you’ll have a great life in front of you, regardless of what happens.

      • To corrections to the below….

        (1) Should and Ought To are BLUE PILL attitudes (not Red Pill)
        (2) Live your Life with your eyes open (got 2 lifes in there – need to get better at reading my own comments before I press the post button)


  3. you are an easy read kid:

    you recently gained red-pill wisdom, and now you’re torn. part of you wants to get out there and bang as many randoms as you can. this is normal. all guys need to go through this phase. but then the unexpected happened.

    you met a girl you actually like. i never needed to read “the game” as it was as predictable as all hell.

    you made a decision, you’re obviously happy with it. good. life is all about experience, and you’ve just stumbled upon a good one. as i’ve said before, game isn’t a means to an end to get laid. it’s a method to being the type of man people like having around. which is why looks are irrelevant in regards to game.

    this just helps you get laid by keeping a woman interested in you.

    • We, as a community, really need to re-define what “Game” is. It’s automatically synonymous with getting laid. You’re spot on though – it’s really just about building a good life.

      And I think I’m realizing that MY good life doesn’t involve exorbitant amounts of chasing tail. I like some stability, and frankly with my full time job, this blog which is a part-time job (albeit a very fun one), as well as all of my other hobbies and projects, and juggling many girls is a huge time sink.

      Even if it doesn’t work out with this one, I’m excited to learn “relationship game,” if not for now, then in the future.

      Thanks for following all my rantings and being straight up with me, Danny boy. I hope you liked my “model” shout out 😉

      • Have Holly read tonight’s post. The girl featured in it was reading naked texts of a girl that reads my site. She called me a slit, then asked me to open my phone so she could check out her it’s.

        All this as I was undressing her.

        And the sphere doesn’t need to redefine game. We beat that dead horse already.

      • Wanted to add one more thing…like I said, you’re still young and still building experiences. There’s a reason Men over the age of 40 will tell young Men not to get too “caught up” in an LTR or get married in their 20s — and it’s not that we are bitter or crying over spilt milk — it’s because we’ve been there. Remember, you will never be able to stop “Gaming” the women in your life (new, girlfriend, wife) – EVER. If you do, you will get behind, and you may never be able to get ahead again.

        I re-listened to the Black Phillip Show (Patrice Oneal) the other day and his analogy is with women, it’s a one-lane, one-way street – and you are either ahead of them leading or you are behind them following.

      • @TinMan: I completely agree. Unfortunately for men like yourself, sites like these and the ‘Sphere weren’t around when you were in your 20s. No doubt, I would likely make the same exact mistakes men your age did had I lived in your time. Even my first (and to this point) only LTR was a mess – I was the fucking bitch in the relationship. Constantly trying to appease her, constantly apologizing, and constantly wondering what I did wrong when, logically, I had done nothing wrong.

        I got lucky and found this stuff at 21 – but I’d be lying if I said there already wasn’t a little bit of regret. If I’d known all of the stuff I know now when I started college, my college experience would have been downright insane. Granted, I may have fathered a few children and contracted a few diseases, but I regress…

        Regardless of that though, it helped shape me into who I’ve become, and I’m thrilled with that, so I can’t be too bitter.

      • Actually, I’m not bitter at all — sure I went through my anger stage after I started to realize all the things I thought and believed about “marriage”, a wife and life long partnership were true for men, but no so true for woman. There are some woman that can “keep it in their pants” – and there are some men that lead and keep the attraction alive. But those of us in a certain age group, have found the community usually after playing the “Great Beta Husband” game for years.

        I’m really enjoying seeing my sons grow up – my oldest (18) took his brother (14) to the mall yesterday – he told him “let’s go talk to girls” and took him out to cold approach. I told him to just go out and practice – that if he could get 1,000 approached under his belt by the time he was his brothers age, he’s be a stone cold lady killer. He got back and told me about his experience – he’s going to have absolutely no approach anxiety once he’s out in the real world.

  4. Pingback: Europe 2014 – Poland, Czech, Switzerland (?), and New York City | This Is Trouble·

  5. Pingback: Trouble Maker Goes BETA BETA BETA·

  6. Greetings Trouble Maker.
    Sad to hear of your death. 🙂
    Kidding. I hope.

    I did something similar. I once gave up girl B for girl A. Turns out girl B would have been the better choice. Live and learn. That’s how we must do things.

    If this turns out in the long run to be a great choice then hell yes. If it turns out to be a bad choice then learn from it.

    I figure the only way to know for 100% certain where a road leads is to walk the damn thing. Still I can’t lie. If you marry her, she gains weight and then gets pregnant by another man I’m totally gonna give you shit about it. *haha* So don’t give me the opportunity.

    • Good to hear from you bud!

      I didn’t give girls B and C up in this case. I went with A, whom I knew was the best of them. I have a lot of confidence this was, and is, the right choice.

      If she gets fat, she knows where the door is 😉

      Why don’t we do a podcast sometime and discuss…well, anything. Do you have an email I can reach you at?

      • I’ve been out of the loop. December is a shit-storm for me. Lots of work rolls in this month. I am still catching up on blogs that I keep up on. I got a whole month of ROK to read.
        I’m down for a podcast session. I’ll have to figure out the technical part of how to pull it off.
        Hit me at liberty@cynlibsoc.com

  7. Pingback: How Your Life Can Change In One Year After Swallowing The Red Pill | This Is Trouble·

  8. Pingback: I Never Want Anything To Be Easy | This Is Trouble·

  9. Pingback: Relationship Game: What Your Anger, Or Lack Of, Says | This Is Trouble·

  10. Pingback: Always Raw Dog | This Is Trouble·

  11. Pingback: Field Report: I End Up With Blue Balls | This Is Trouble·

  12. Pingback: A Letter To Those In Love With My Girlfriend | This Is Trouble·

  13. Pingback: 10 Masculine Virtues That Went To The Grave With Our Grandfathers·

  14. Pingback: 10 Masculine Virtues That Went To The Grave With Our Grandfathers | This Is Trouble·

  15. Pingback: Why Do We Root For Women To Hit The Wall? | This Is Trouble·

  16. Pingback: How To Get Laid Through Online Dating By Matt Of The 3 Bromigos – Book Review | This Is Trouble·

  17. Pingback: The Girlfriend, Two Months In | This Is Trouble·

  18. Pingback: Trouble’s Travels Volume I: Getting To Poland – 30 Hours Of Delays, Kissing-Ass, And Getting Drunk In Airports | This Is Trouble·

  19. GO HOLLY! You just got owned at your own game, troublemaker! Ha-Ha- You’re heart showed you the path to happiness!

  20. Pingback: Admitting Failure | This Is Trouble·

  21. Pingback: Trouble’s Travels XIV: Goodbye, Europe | This Is Trouble·

  22. Pingback: Trouble’s Travels Volume XV: Back To The USA | This Is Trouble·

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s