My Journey

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Which way will you go?

I’m 22 years old.  I live in beautiful San Diego, California.  I originally hail from a small suburb of Sacramento, California.

I studied economics in college, but I work as a SAN (Storage Area Network) engineer for a technology giant.  For the most part, I enjoy my 9-6 job.   My company may move me to London in the next year or two.  The plan is to take that opportunity and travel Europe for a place to live permanently, if I decide I enjoy overseas.  If that doesn’t work out, I’ve always dreamed of New York City.  I doubt San Diego is my permanent destination.

In my down time, I play guitar, piano, and ukelele.  I used to write songs, but it’s not my thing anymore.  I work out almost every day of the week.  I used to be a competitive cyclist and triathlete but these days most of my regimen consists of weight lifting and cardio intervals.  I obviously like to write, and by reading my posts, you can probably tell I to discuss girls, economics, politics, and psychology.

  • I’ve got incredible social skills, but sometimes I struggle to flip them “on” at a whim’s notice.
  • I’m not a misogynist, but I speak my mind.
  • I dream of owning my own business and working anywhere in the world, but I suspect it might make me lonely.
  • I believe in lifestyle changes, but not band-aids.
  • I generally don’t trust girls, but I trust them to be girls.
  • Sometimes I get pissed at the lies I was told, but I realize everyone meant their best.
  • My real journey started in 2012, but first, let’s revisit 2007.

I’m in my sophomore year of high school.  I stand 5’8″ and a whopping 210+ pounds.  At a family event, my cousin makes some remark about how fat I am.  This lights a fire under my skin and I proceed to drop nearly 80 pounds over the next eight months.  That cousin is now a land whale.  I wish I could say I felt sorry for her; but if she choked on her own fat rolls and died, I’d laugh.

While undergoing this transformation I develop a large crush on a pretty blonde.  I pursue her endlessly, getting her flowers, cards, etc, on Valentine’s Day.  I learn to play guitar to impress her.  We have hour long phone conversations where we talk about our feelings.  I feel like I’m winning this girl over completely.  I wake up thinking about her, look forward to going to school to talk to her, and fall asleep with waves of luscious blonde hair and piercing blue eyes dancing through the clouds.

She ends up choosing the metal guitarist with long hair and piercings.  They marry in 2009 and move to Hawaii.  I have never spoken to her again.

Being upset, and being the computer whiz I am, I turn to Google for the answers I seek.  I run across The Game by Neil Strauss.  Little did I know, I would never, deep down, look at male-female interactions the same (save for some stupid relapses).  At this point in my life, I still have never kissed a girl.  When I’m 17, I go up to a group of three girls outside the movie theater, and open them with, “Do I look gay?”  I walk away ten minutes later with three phone numbers.  My two friends are dumbstruck at how I did it.  I just smile.  I opened them, negged, established rapport, and closed the deal.  I think there’s a future PUA in training.

I chicken out and never call any of the girls.

Now it’s fall 2009 and I’m off to college in San Diego, to one of the biggest party schools in the country.  Don’t worry though Mom and Dad, I totally went there for the education.  Still haven’t even kissed a girl.  I somehow go through my entire freshmen year and still haven’t locked lips with someone.  I had opportunities, but chickened out.  Finally, with two weeks to go before heading home for the summer, I go on a date with a dance team brunette beauty and seal the deal.

She ends up making my life hell for nearly the next two years, until early 2012.

Between our breakup and the latter half of 2012, I stumble blindly around trying to figure out girls, dating, etc.  At this point, I’m nearly 21 years old and have really only been with one girl my entire life.  I have no idea how to handle it.  There’s a few sloppy pickup attempts at bars when out with friends.  I get lucky a few times here and there, but for the most part, I’m rather lost.  Finally, in November 2012, I stumble across The Chateau.  My world is opened up once again, much like when I read Strauss’ book the first time.  However, this goes beyond the scope of The Game.  This gives me real, definitive answers as to why I was told the wrong things my whole life.  Why things never worked out for “the nice guy.”  I start to make lifestyle changes instead of band-aids, and the journey really begins.

This time, it’s different though.  There’s a real fire, passion to succeed.  A desire to destroy the chains that society, my family, and friends posed around me; the chains that held me down and stopped me from being a man.  The chains that made me take girls to dinner before fucking them, the chains that told me to bite my tongue and take it, the chains that crippled my masculinity.  Crippling the very thing that makes me a man, when all I needed all along was to unleash it to figure out what really makes life tick.

I’d like to think I’m not bitter, but deep down, I am.

Deep down, I resent the years that I lost wandering around as another spineless drone in society.  But deep down, I realize that there is no sense dwelling on it and that the action from this point onward will dictate how my life shapes out.  I speak of this new lifestyle of mine carefully around friends and family.  I’ve already lost a few friends from it, and that’s fine with me.  So be it.  While my mom, whom I love dearly, raises her eyebrows at me sometimes, I know I have my close family’s full support though.  Even if I didn’t though, I’m smart enough to realize I would have to cut my ties and move on.

My goals for the remainder of 2013:

  1. Continue writing this blog.  I have already been featured on some big sites and am starting to average close to 100 hits a day.  UPDATE: done.  I’ve got my own fucking column now.
  2. Save $7,000 $3,500.
  3. Finish a technology eBook I’m working on.
  4. Find a candidate for an open long term relationship, and lay the groundwork for that.
  5. Bang 9 new girls. (9 8 7 6 to go) <– probably not gonna happen.  I’ve averaged 2 notches/month this year.  Apparently I thought I could nail down 9 more in less than 3 months.  I will try though.
  6. Figure out London/living situations for the near future.
  7. My night game and online game are both sharp.  I need better day game skills.  I may have to move to make it happen, so this goes hand in hand with #6.

My goal of this blog is so that I can look back at a timeline on down days and see how far I’ve come.  While I enjoy the red pill lifestyle, the highs and lows I experience are extreme.  At times, I feel lonely.  Then I crack a smile and remember the social skills I’ve built; and how they can be utilized anywhere.  On the shitty days, I want to shift back through these posts, and have a wry smile come across my face as I think about what could’ve been, how I’ve made it happen, and how I wouldn’t change a damn thing.

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35 responses to “My Journey

  1. Magnificent items from you, man. I’ve remember your stuff prior to and you are simply extremely great. I really like what you have obtained right here, certainly like what you are saying and the best way through which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you continue to care for to stay it smart. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is actually a great web site.

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  4. Just stumbled onto your site from RoK and liking everything about it. I’m also from San Diego. Maybe I’ll meet you out in the field sometime. Keep fighting the good fight!

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  11. You remind me of my little brother. I found a copy of The Game in his car when he was trying to get over a girl and I linked him to Roissy’s blog. It’s been five years and I’m still not sure if I did a good thing or made a horrible mistake. He’s had fun with a lot of gorgeous girls (in a perverse way I’m proud of him) but he’s become such a cold person. He’s gone too far, from idealist to realist to pessimist.

    I don’t know what will make him happy in the future. Whether he’d feel more fulfilled as a family man or George Clooney-ing it for the rest of his life, who knows? What I do know is that the longer he stays on this path, the harder it’ll be for him to take the other.

    I can only hope he comes to understand the difference between the educated man and the dogmatic man. That it’s one thing to navigate the dating world with eyes wide open, but quite another to become mercenary.

    • This is a very good comment. Thanks for stopping by.

      I believe there is fulfillment in both paths but there are differences in the type of fulfillment. Bachelorhood is full of adventure and independence, and eventually fulfillment will come, though not through relationships. The trick is to figure out what else, besides girls, makes you happy.

      Married men can get fulfillment and stability but they also take a huge risk these days with marriage. There’s risks either way.

      Once again, great comment. I am going to use this as a springboard to a new post sometime this week. I’ll link it here when I do.

      -TM

      • Of course, I agree fulfillment can be found on both tracks. I just hope it’s really fulfillment and not a constructed defense (whatever he… and you also, decide in the future). It’s just troubling to see how much of the rhetoric on the manosphere mirrors what feminist career types say: “I enjoy my freedom. I would have gotten shafted if I got settled down anyway because statistically people are shitty,” etc.

        Just some thoughts. I’m trying to figure it out for myself too.

        Anyway, I’m looking forward to your post!

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  13. It was The Game! Sorry, I’m making a sort of tour around your site, leaving incoherent comments everywhere. You sounded bitter. I was happy to read “But deep down, I realize that there is no sense dwelling on it and that the action from this point onward will dictate how my life shapes out.”

    I didn’t have the courage to renounce the harmful people in my life. It’s reassuring to know you’ve done it and come out unscathed. But yeah, everything thingsiwantedtotellyou said.

    Why does it seem like every gorgeous girl out there is a bitch traumatizing young men into womanizers? Or is it, like the girls who go for bad boys, guys who are going for the entitlement-issue girls?

    • Don’t worry about it at all! I welcome new, regular commenters. Some of my female commenters will be happy to have another voice around (Grace, QueenofFries).

      The Game wasn’t really my Red Pill. Neil Strauss is a beta IMO. He settled down and then couldn’t handle it and got his ass dumped. He’s a fraud in the sense of a masculine man. He’s a true PUA.

      Every young man realizes at some point that being nice isn’t getting the gorgeous girl. Well, some never learn. Poor guys.

      I paid my dues in the friend zone.

  14. Yo TroubleMaker.
    I just noticed on my webmaster tools that you’ve added me to your blog roll.
    Thanks for that. Is there anything in particular you find valuable on my site?
    Cheers
    Thomas

    • Thomas,

      No problem. I forget how I stumbled across your site a few months ago, but I took a look and thought my readers would enjoy your content as well.

      I don’t recall exactly everything, but I do remember your fitness and health tips being excellent.

      Keep up your good work.
      -Kyle

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  16. simply amazing. im currently 20yrs of age at a large public florida university, currently undergoing the beginning stages of transforming my mindset. ive spent the last 6 months reading everything on the manosphere forums and am heading back to school next week.

    hopefully i can achieve a transformation like yours ( without the 2 year time in hell! haha )

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  18. Good stuff man. I just came across your site and look forward to reading your posts. I’m 22 as well and just started a site so I’m in the same boat as you.

    Best of luck with your future plans!

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  20. hello truthmosis. I am big fan and follow your articles on ROK regularly. I currently am interested in a career change. I couldn’t hack it as a CPA in training and have decided to re-evaluate my career choice. I am 29 and I would like to pursue IT. But I have no experience or knowledge. Additionally, I am thinking about med school in a foreign country or power engineering. In the end I went decent earnings, and job security. I was hoping you could impart your wisdom to me.

  21. Love the posts. Especially the ones on ROK. If you are bitter about not understanding this stuff until you are 22 imagine what it feels like in your 60’s to run into Roissy, Roosh, et.al. Maybe not too late for my sons. Good luck in London. Should be an adventure. Although Romania sounds more promising.

    • London is ok. I will probably not come back to be honest. I do like the fact that I met people from a dozen different countries last night. But, it’s dirty, expensive, and way too crowded.

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