My Journey

Which way will you go?

I’m 22 years old.  I live in beautiful San Diego, California.  I originally hail from a small suburb of Sacramento, California.

I studied economics in college, but I work as a SAN (Storage Area Network) engineer for a technology giant.  For the most part, I enjoy my 9-6 job.   My company may move me to London in the next year or two.  The plan is to take that opportunity and travel Europe for a place to live permanently, if I decide I enjoy overseas.  If that doesn’t work out, I’ve always dreamed of New York City.  I doubt San Diego is my permanent destination.

In my down time, I play guitar, piano, and ukelele.  I used to write songs, but it’s not my thing anymore.  I work out almost every day of the week.  I used to be a competitive cyclist and triathlete but these days most of my regimen consists of weight lifting and cardio intervals.  I obviously like to write, and by reading my posts, you can probably tell I to discuss girls, economics, politics, and psychology.

• I’ve got incredible social skills, but sometimes I struggle to flip them “on” at a whim’s notice.
• I’m not a misogynist, but I speak my mind.
• I dream of owning my own business and working anywhere in the world, but I suspect it might make me lonely.
• I believe in lifestyle changes, but not band-aids.
• I generally don’t trust girls, but I trust them to be girls.
• Sometimes I get pissed at the lies I was told, but I realize everyone meant their best.
• My real journey started in 2012, but first, let’s revisit 2007.

I’m in my sophomore year of high school.  I stand 5’8″ and a whopping 210+ pounds.  At a family event, my cousin makes some remark about how fat I am.  This lights a fire under my skin and I proceed to drop nearly 80 pounds over the next eight months.  That cousin is now a land whale.  I wish I could say I felt sorry for her; but if she choked on her own fat rolls and died, I’d laugh.

While undergoing this transformation I develop a large crush on a pretty blonde.  I pursue her endlessly, getting her flowers, cards, etc, on Valentine’s Day.  I learn to play guitar to impress her.  We have hour long phone conversations where we talk about our feelings.  I feel like I’m winning this girl over completely.  I wake up thinking about her, look forward to going to school to talk to her, and fall asleep with waves of luscious blonde hair and piercing blue eyes dancing through the clouds.

She ends up choosing the metal guitarist with long hair and piercings.  They marry in 2009 and move to Hawaii.  I have never spoken to her again.

Being upset, and being the computer whiz I am, I turn to Google for the answers I seek.  I run across The Game by Neil Strauss.  Little did I know, I would never, deep down, look at male-female interactions the same (save for some stupid relapses).  At this point in my life, I still have never kissed a girl.  When I’m 17, I go up to a group of three girls outside the movie theater, and open them with, “Do I look gay?”  I walk away ten minutes later with three phone numbers.  My two friends are dumbstruck at how I did it.  I just smile.  I opened them, negged, established rapport, and closed the deal.  I think there’s a future PUA in training.

I chicken out and never call any of the girls.

Now it’s fall 2009 and I’m off to college in San Diego, to one of the biggest party schools in the country.  Don’t worry though Mom and Dad, I totally went there for the education.  Still haven’t even kissed a girl.  I somehow go through my entire freshmen year and still haven’t locked lips with someone.  I had opportunities, but chickened out.  Finally, with two weeks to go before heading home for the summer, I go on a date with a dance team brunette beauty and seal the deal.

She ends up making my life hell for nearly the next two years, until early 2012.

Between our breakup and the latter half of 2012, I stumble blindly around trying to figure out girls, dating, etc.  At this point, I’m nearly 21 years old and have really only been with one girl my entire life.  I have no idea how to handle it.  There’s a few sloppy pickup attempts at bars when out with friends.  I get lucky a few times here and there, but for the most part, I’m rather lost.  Finally, in November 2012, I stumble across The Chateau.  My world is opened up once again, much like when I read Strauss’ book the first time.  However, this goes beyond the scope of The Game.  This gives me real, definitive answers as to why I was told the wrong things my whole life.  Why things never worked out for “the nice guy.”  I start to make lifestyle changes instead of band-aids, and the journey really begins.

This time, it’s different though.  There’s a real fire, passion to succeed.  A desire to destroy the chains that society, my family, and friends posed around me; the chains that held me down and stopped me from being a man.  The chains that made me take girls to dinner before fucking them, the chains that told me to bite my tongue and take it, the chains that crippled my masculinity.  Crippling the very thing that makes me a man, when all I needed all along was to unleash it to figure out what really makes life tick.

I’d like to think I’m not bitter, but deep down, I am.

Deep down, I resent the years that I lost wandering around as another spineless drone in society.  But deep down, I realize that there is no sense dwelling on it and that the action from this point onward will dictate how my life shapes out.  I speak of this new lifestyle of mine carefully around friends and family.  I’ve already lost a few friends from it, and that’s fine with me.  So be it.  While my mom, whom I love dearly, raises her eyebrows at me sometimes, I know I have my close family’s full support though.  Even if I didn’t though, I’m smart enough to realize I would have to cut my ties and move on.

My goals for the remainder of 2013:

1. Continue writing this blog.  I have already been featured on some big sites and am starting to average close to 100 hits a day.  UPDATE: done.  I’ve got my own fucking column now.
2. Save $7,000 $3,500.
3. Finish a technology eBook I’m working on.
4. Find a candidate for an open long term relationship, and lay the groundwork for that.
5. Bang 9 new girls. (9 8 7 6 to go) <– probably not gonna happen.  I’ve averaged 2 notches/month this year.  Apparently I thought I could nail down 9 more in less than 3 months.  I will try though.
6. Figure out London/living situations for the near future.
7. My night game and online game are both sharp.  I need better day game skills.  I may have to move to make it happen, so this goes hand in hand with #6.

My goal of this blog is so that I can look back at a timeline on down days and see how far I’ve come.  While I enjoy the red pill lifestyle, the highs and lows I experience are extreme.  At times, I feel lonely.  Then I crack a smile and remember the social skills I’ve built; and how they can be utilized anywhere.  On the shitty days, I want to shift back through these posts, and have a wry smile come across my face as I think about what could’ve been, how I’ve made it happen, and how I wouldn’t change a damn thing.